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By David

Coachella, CA–

For many of Apple’s tech-zealots, the late Steve Jobs was never truly gone, so long as his innovative spirit lived on in iPad and iCloud form. Now, his ineffable genius has again taken three-dimensional shape, assuaging fears that Jobs had actually succumbed to cancer in October of 2011.  And no, we’re not referring to the new “iHeaven” product.

 

Following the massive success of the Tupac Shakur “baby don’t cry I’m trending now” hologram, the Back From the Great Beyond Media Group one-upped itself with a 3D walking and talking Steve Jobs rendering in honor of the second week of the Coachella Music and Drugs Festival in Coachella, CA.

 

“Jobs-o-gram,” as the 3D image has become colloquially known, awed the crowd when he appeared onstage alongside Coachella mid-liner A$AP Rocky for a two-song duet of hit songs “4 Loko” and “Purple Swag.” As Rocky belted out his lyrics, “Purple drank I still sip, purple blunts I gots lit,” Jobs echoed, “Yeah mothafucka, real bitch purple swag, got my money on that trill shit, fuck yeah.” And the crowd went wild.

 

“I’ve never seen anything like it. The crowd was absolutely beside itself,” said production manager Rick Smithsworth, “but then again, stage presence is easy when everyone is fairly certain that you’re dead.”

 

Not that it made funding or production easy. Reportedly the hologram’s 6-minute appearance cost the company, which is headed by Avatar and Smurf Co. CEO James Cameron, over $900m to produce.

 

But HoloJobs’ reign of luminescence will not end with the closing and detoxification of Coachella. Cameron says that he has “huge plans–and I’m talking Titanic huge” for the hologram, including a tour of college graduations throughout May and June where Jobs’ hologram will perform his legendary “Stay Luminiferous, Stay Foolish” speech.

 

Added Cameron, “And this is only the beginning. The rapture with which Jobs has been received here at the ecstasy festival—that’s just encouraged us to continue, to push forth. Could Jobs’ hologram create the next iInnovation? Might he kill Tim Cook and take back Apple? I wouldn’t put it past him. If a blue monster named Neytiri could lead the Na’vi into battle…why not Steve?”

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David enjoys writing comedic things, making up words, listening to the smooth jams of Taylor Swift, and telling friends about the refreshing tartness of a Trolli Brite Crawler. When not writing for CachedTech, he lives in New York City, has a job, and pretends to work out once in a while. David often wonders: Where do internets come from? Does Mark Zuckerberg have any real-life friends? Isn't TechCrunch that new Kellogg's-brand metallic breakfast cereal?

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