In a radical break from the current trajectory of its tablet PC offering, Apple’s latest iPad, the iPad 3, is completely made of wood and utilizes a screen with the same size and resolution capacity as the original Nintendo Gameboy.
According to tech analysts, the final product is absolutely stunning.
“What Apple has accomplished here is incredible,” wrote tech blogger Russell Flanagan. “I think this product is going to re-revolutionize how the public envisions tablet computing.”
Mike Simons of the Wall Street Journal called the iPad 3’s new design a “refreshing addition” to Apple’s lineup.
“Leave it to Apple to have enough foresight to choose balsa instead of oak. When holding it, it’s as though the iPad 3 just completely disappears in your hand. And the capacity for flotation is incredible. It just sits right on top of the water. Never again will Apple users have to fear dropping their iPads in the pool or ocean and watching them sink to the bottom.”
Oddly enough, Apple’s new CEO, Tim Cook, was less than thrilled with the overwhelmingly positive reception for his company’s newest product.
When told how the tech world has responded to the newest iPad, Tim Cook seemed frustrated and confused.
“They like this thing? You’ve got to be kidding me,” he told reporters gathered outside Apple’s headquarters in Cupertino, CA. “It’s a freaking piece of wood! We didn’t even build the screens ourselves. We put up Craigslist ads for old Gameboys and just glued the screens to the front with Elmers. What the hell is wrong with you people?!”
When asked whether Apple’s visionary Steve Jobs designed the newest iPad, perfectly predicting the exact moment when customers would tire of touch screens and fancy graphics, Tim Cook told the reporters gathered at Cupertino to “fuck off” and “take Steve Jobs’ wrinkly balls out of [their] gaping mouths.”
Even with a formidable price tag of $1500 and no support for Wifi or 3G internet, the iPad 3 has already sold 50 million units. And though it’s only been on the market for a short time, many analysts are already excited to see what Apple does next. In fact, one Apple insider, who asked not to be named, said the iPad 4 might not even have a screen.
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