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Apple Sues Vavle for Patent Infringement
By Bonks

Rolling on the momentum gained by winning its case against Samsung over patent infringement, Apple has decided to target video game developer Valve, most well known for the bestselling Portal games.

Apple is making the claim that Portal maps, weapons and droids along with Glados are both infringements on several Apple patents.  According to released documents the Portal map design as well as the droids and gun color are a direct violation.  According to Apple, Valve used the signature glossy white color that Apple has trademarked.  Regarding Glados, Apple claims she is in direct violation of the popular Siri artificial intelligence function for the iPhone.  Apple is seeking a billion dollar settlement, which would severely cripple the developer.  However Valve does not plan to take this sitting down.  A representative from Valve has issued the following statment:

 

“We believe Apple’s case to be frivolous and seriously overreaching.  Apple cannot lay claim to all stark, plain f**king white colors.  On a side note, Glados is a superior intelligence that would beat the sh*t out of Siri at any function…anytime…anywhere.”

 

Valve fans are enraged at the the thought of the developer going out of business.  In response they are pouring out their support by sending in funds to assure Valve can secure quality legal representation.  There are also reports of Apple stores being vandalized, another fan favorite is Apple product bond fires.  When it comes to Valve fans protesting via internet there is a slew of articles and hate memes.  Gaining popularity once again is the Blendtec ads blending iPods and iPhones into non-breathable dust.  Meanwhile Apple stock is plummeting perhaps due to the fear of angry gamer fans in mass plotting against the company.

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