Cupertino, CA – Technology juggernaut Apple is quietly transferring hundreds of thousands of low-paid Chinese Foxconn workers to its Cupertino headquarters. The flood of “slave labor” is reportedly working on a colossal Egyptian-style pyramid to hold the remains of late founder Steve Jobs.
Details of the mausoleum first surfaced yesterday when an iPyramid 1.0 Prototype was inadvertently left behind at a Redwood City, California bar. According to Abayomi Massri of the masonry blog Pharaoh’s Steps, the plaster mock-up was misplaced by Apple industrial design guru Jonathan Ive, who is creating the shrine’s look and feel.
Noted for their secrecy, Apple officials refused to comment on the towering monolith now visible from several miles away. However, one Apple employee who spoke to CachedTech on condition of anonymity noted that “heavily-shackled” workers continue to flow onto the campus. “They keep coming through the San Francisco Bay on large galley ships. I hear they’re all working 18-hour days for thirty cents a week , plus some NeXT Computer stock.”
“Say what you will about serfdom,” said another Apple employee who asked not to be identified. “But like they say, slavery gets shit done. Just look at all the iPhones and iPads we’re making a mint on.”
Of Arab-American ancestry, Steve Jobs notoriously longed for a burial site worthy of an ancient Syrian king. “He often spoke of creating “The Steven Wonders of the Modern World” as his legacy,” said Jobs biographer Walter Isaacson. “In a lot of ways Steve saw himself as larger than life.”
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