Winter Park, FL–Star Wars‘ robot hero C-3PO was hospitalized at Winter E. Park Memorial Hospital last Thursday amidst concerns of delayed-onset carotenosis. The disease, which turns the skin a yellow-orange hue due to an excessive intake of the carrot-nutrient carotene, generally affects young infants, carrot-enthusiasts, and the occasional bunny rabbit.
Rarely do humanoid robots contract the disease, reports Center for Disease Control spokesperson Johnson Gregory, citing a “below 0.5% disease rate among metallic beings.” However, doctors at Winter E. Park were sure they’d uncovered a shocking case of orangification when C-3PO was rushed in, flushed and shining golden-bronze, after a routine checkup with Dr. Cornelius Evazan.
“C kept making these bizarre buzzing sounds, shooting off sparks, and repeating, ‘ER-ROR, ER-ROR!’ We’d never seen him like this. I assumed the 600 carrots he ate for breakfast did him in,” Dr. Evazan explained, “Guess I was wrong. Anyway, DEATH TO SKYWALKER!”
Fortunately, C-3PO was promptly dismissed from the hospital after it was discovered that his metallic epidermis was actually made of faux-gold metal plates. The doctor responsible for misdiagnosing the felicitous android was forced to recant the Hippocratic oath and was then unceremoniously stripped of his physician’s license on the spot.
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