How do you know when you’re getting old? When you mistakenly invest $100 million in Bookface, a Cleveland-based book-sharing startup, instead of Facebook, the world-famous social-networking website based in Silicon Valley. Warren Buffett did just that, and while he’s bummed to have basically thrown away 100 mil, a couple college dropouts in Ohio are thrilled to have been handed a huge chunk of change with which to try to build their business. “We’re [...]
Boston, MA – SeniorsPLUS, a fledgling social network for the elderly, reportedly burned through its entire $118,000 investment from startup accelerator TechStars within forty-eight hours of receiving the funds. The absolutely astounding display of financial irresponsibility has set a new record for the investment company to most quickly be labeled a failure by TechStars. SeniorsPLUS founder Dennis Marrow admittedly made a number of severely poor decisions when hastily allocating the TechStars funds to [...]
Indianapolis, IN – Speaking to reporters during a halftime break at his Silicon Valley Aftershocks’ Segway polo match, Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak opened up about his feelings on today’s technology developers, and he didn’t have many nice things to say. “These young kids today don’t want to have to put in the effort,” Wozniak said as he dismounted his Segway and turned on an automatic sandwich maker. “Just plain lazy. They think everything should [...]
Now trending on Kickstarter is special interest lobbyists launching campaigns to raise money to fund their stay in Washington to pursue their crusades. The trend is occurring due to the tight economy and the realization that Kickstarter allows less fortunate crusaders to enter the lobbyist playing field. Hot right now is Dawn Featherstone, who is currently lobbying for anti-masturbation educational programs, has raised $45,000. Some speculate Featherstone was able to raise ample funds due to [...]
Mountain View, CA - Silicon Valley startup incubator Y Combinator experienced a temporary shutdown this morning after an employee was discovered to be acting as a secret agent on behalf of DreamIt Ventures, a venture-capital firm based in Philadelphia. YC co-founder Paul Graham told reporters that all company accounts are currently under review, as Bob Quinn, the DreamIt spy, seems to have been sent with orders to direct YC investments into terrible startup ideas. “We’re still [...]
November 23, 2012 – In a revealing interview with Cooking Light Magazine, Mark Zuckerberg admitted to not understanding how Wall Street works. The Facebook CEO confessed, too, that he had never even heard basic market terms like “dividends” and “underwriters” before FB went public. In the interview, he exposed details of Facebook’s decision to go public and shared a wonderful spinach quiche recipe. Zuckerberg told Cooking Light, “So, when people buy my stocks [...]
Redwood Shore, California – Hoping to shed its reputation for overly complex and virtually unusable software, Oracle has recently rebranded its perplexing Rdb database product. Now known as Hello Kitty Numbers, the new offering includes all the functionality of its previous offering but has a “softer” interface, according to Oracle spokesperson Trisha Dooly. “Data should be fun and fuzzy,” said Dooly. “Just because you’re crunching numbers for 16 straight hours in the dark basement [...]
Cybersteves, NM–On the heels of Facebook’s record-setting IPO, another business has emerged on the public’s radar. For the first time ever, a single eBay user has filed an IPO, and the initial response is staggering. The user, primo-tiques113238, filed his S-1 documentation with the SEC on Monday, sending shockwaves across Silicon Valley. primo-tiques113238, labeled an eBay “Power Seller” by market research analyst Heml Vasniak, has been selling antiques, trinkets found at Goodwill, and used headbands on [...]
Enid, OK– Debatably current AOL CEO and occasional Huffington Post contributor Tim Armstrong made a ground-breaking announcement early Monday morning. Purported to be inspired by Seattle start-up Planetary Resources, Inc. and their mission to rocket billions of dollars’ worth of scientific equipment and expendable minions towards nearby asteroids to mine precious metals and other shiny objects, Armstrong announced his plans to acquire a single Denny’s franchise in Enid, Oklahoma. Following a thorough analysis by his vapid team of [...]
Menlo Park, California – Just days after acquiring photo sharing app Instagram for $1 billion, Facebook has opened its checkbook again with a stupefying $2.5 billion purchase of long-defunct web hosting service GeoCities. “GeoCities brings Facebook breakthrough technology, “ said CEO Mark Zuckerberg. “That whole ‘neighborhoods’ thing is so cool. My uncle had a GeoCities homepage on Area 51 and it rocked. We want to rock at Facebook.” GeoCities co-founder David Bohnett was [...]
