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CES Product Review: Nokia Lumia 900
By Eric

CES 2012, there were more phones, computers and televisions than I will probably own in my lifetime, and it can be hard to sift through all the crap to find those few golden nuggets that exist on the show floor. I was particularly interested in this year’s smartphones, as I’m still not overjoyed with my iPhone 4S, so I decided to do some exploring.

 

The Nokia booth was packed, but I was fortunate enough to snag a one-on-one test with the new Nokia Lumia 900 alongside a representative named Tiffany. These were my impressions:

 

The Guts: Inside the Nokia Lumia 900 is a 1.4 GHz single-core processor similar to last year’s model, the Lumia 800. However, coupled with the new Windows Phone 7.5 Mango platform, it runs at an alarmingly fast speed. Tiffany stood right next to me as she showed off how quickly she could navigate through the menus. Man, this phone is amazing!

 

User Interface: The Windows Phone Mango software is a vast improvement over its predecessor, with better tiling and easier navigation, especially pertaining to emails and text messages. Adding contacts was also a breeze, as Tiffany allowed me to add her contact information to the Lumia 900. I then pretended to call her, which made her laugh. This phone just screams good times.

 

Camera: The 8-megapixel, wide-angle camera offers the same great quality photography and video that you’d find with most smartphones. I was able to take a couple photos of Tiffany, including one with the two of us using the 2-megapixel, front-facing camera. Windows Phone 7’s seamless integration with social networks like Facebook allowed me to quickly upload the photos to my account and find Tiffany’s profile to tag her. I also noticed she was single. Who knew this phone was also a matchmaker!?

 

Connection: The Nokia Lumia 900 runs on AT&T’s brand new 4G LTE network, which means receiving and sending data is quicker than ever. I wanted to test the new network as well as overcome my fear of, “just going for it,” so I sent Tiffany a text message that read, “Hey, u want to go out sometime?” The speed in which the text was sent was fast, but not as fast as Tiffany’s response: “I don’t think that’d be a good idea. Btw, your time for testing is over. Thanks for coming to our booth!”

 

Final Impression: F*** the Nokia Lumia 900. Seriously, this phone sucks. I hope it dies in a car accident. And if you’re still hesitant about what smartphone to purchase, get an iPhone 4S. At least Apple won’t rip your heart out and s*** all over it.

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Eric still uses Netscape. He is also a novelty account on Reddit.

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  1. Paul February 15, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    The funniest review/article I have read in a while. Keep it up!

    Reply

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