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Facebook Spends One Billion Dollars of United States Currency on Instagram, Website That Allows Users to Upload Photographs to the Internet
By David

Facebook made headlines on Monday morning when it announced its pending acquisition of the photo sharing program “Instagram.” According to sources, it represents the supercompany’s largest purchase since it acquired the legal rights to change the entire plot of “The Social Network.”

 

Tech experts love the move, citing the large photo-data acquisition that this takeover represents. Analysts at Dave’s Data Dojo in Fruitdale, CA published a recent report (you can see the report here), arguing that Instagram will allow Facebook greater access to user location information, personal interests, and the general creepiness level (GCL) of its clientele.

 

Instagr.am, the popular iPhone photo application, was founded in 2010 by Katie Bonshirt of Hauppauge, NY, a twelve year-old girl and entrepreneur who thought of the idea for a photo sharing website when she first got a Facebook, at age nine. The sale has brought huge financial windfall to Bonshirt and the three other employees on her staff, leading the ex-CEO to announce, a mere two hours after news of the transaction went public, that she will retire from the photography business and spend the next 6 months as a groupie following Justin Bieber’s “Believe” tour around the world.

 

The application, which allows users to post photographs on the internet and share them with friends, was seen by Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg as a can’t-miss opportunity. Zuckerberg, wearing jeans, flip-flops, and a collared shirt with “Facebook Zuckerberg Fiduciary Zeal Team” emblazoned on its front, told me, “We’re ecstatic about this move. What Steve Jobs did for the music-listening and tablet-computing industries, Bonshirt has done for the world of photography. One billion dollars is a steal.”

 

Social networking insiders suggest that the move makes perfect sense for Facebook as it moves to its new “Timeline” profile design. With the integration of the Insta.gram platform, Zuckerberg asserts that Facebook will, at last, allow users to upload sleek, digital, multi-pixeled photographic representations of themselves on their Timeline page. Musical artist Vitamin C is a proponent of the deal and has been quoted as saying that friends will now be able to last longer, “potentially forever.”

 

“We at Facebook want to foster the best and most comfortable online environment for our 75 billion users worldwide and around the universe,” added Facebook COO Justin Timberlake, “At last, with this move, Facebook has brought the dawn of the true Social Age. Now, photographs on our site are not just readily available and easy to use, but insta!”

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David enjoys writing comedic things, making up words, listening to the smooth jams of Taylor Swift, and telling friends about the refreshing tartness of a Trolli Brite Crawler. When not writing for CachedTech, he lives in New York City, has a job, and pretends to work out once in a while. David often wonders: Where do internets come from? Does Mark Zuckerberg have any real-life friends? Isn't TechCrunch that new Kellogg's-brand metallic breakfast cereal?

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