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By Darrell

Oakbrook, Illinois – Realizing that today’s teenagers and young adults would rather tap on their iPhones than stop to eat a cheeseburger, McDonalds has begun testing new McTap Meals in select markets.

 

Instead of serving meals in traditional fast food containers, McTap Meals reportedly consist of a thin layer of “dehydrated/condensed food and food by-product” that’s “downloaded” to a sheet of “radiant” cardboard resembling the iPhone or iPad.

 

And as a bonus, rather than the bulky experience of physically picking up and eating the meal, consumers will simply “tap” on the cardboard screen and lick their fingers. People can also eat by “sliding” pages, moving from, say, the Big Mac page to the French Fry page.

 

“They’re finger lickin’ good,” said McDonalds spokesperson Abigail Woodmere, borrowing a phrase from rival KFC. “McTap Meals allow people to enjoy our food in a manner they’re totally comfortable with–gentle, gentle touching.”

 

“It’s killer,” noted 21 year-old Drake University student Ken Kipton. “I can Tweet with my right hand and eat with my left. Heck, I had my high score on Angry Birds while polishing off a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. Ain’t no thing.”

 

“Less mess,” added Ames, IA teen Johnny Nines during an off-campus lunch outing. “When I try to eat and text, I usually end up with mustard in my hair and a grease fire on my iPhone. Now I get three square meals and stay connected with friends. Plus I won’t have to shower or do laundry for weeks.”

 

Initially McTap Meals are only available on the iPhone and iPad, but eventually McDonalds plans on rolling out versions for Android phones and tablets. There are no current plans for McTap Meals on the Blackberry.

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Originally from the now-defunct Balkan state of Anchovy (near Romania), Darrell left the capitol city of Crouton during the country’s devastating Caesar Revolt in the summer of $19.99 (plus tax and tip). Following a second childhood in the Hawkeye state, he now works and resides in the San Francisco Bay Area where he loves to laugh out-of-context, write about all things technology and sculpt egg-shaped figurines out of Parmesan cheese blocks.

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