Palo Alto, California – Tesla Motors has put the brakes on production of its energy-efficient line of vehicles. The Silicon Valley electric car manufacturer announced today it will instead concentrate exclusively on the electric toothbrush market.
“We’re still focused on green initiatives,” said Tesla CEO Elon Musk. “We’ve simply tweaked our business model slightly towards those embarrassing green herbs and green spices that stick in your teeth.”
The Tesla Brushster ET is the first dental hygiene product to come off the company’s reconfigured assembly line. The electric toothbrush will be available exclusively at Tesla’s tony showrooms in select up-scale markets. With an $87,000 price tag the Brushster ET features a state-of-the-art lithium-ion battery promising over 200,000 brushes per charge.
“Granted, our Roadster cars couldn’t get you to Gucci and back,” noted Musk. “But our Brushster ET with take you from baby tooth to dentures on a single charge.”
Although Tesla earned glowing reviews and was wildly-popular with tech industry icons and A-list Hollywood celebrities, the company failed to produce a steady stream of affordably priced cars. After nine years and $276 trillion dollars in funding, only seven Tesla vehicles ever rolled off the production line. Two of those cars had to be pushed to a nearby Walgreens where a pair of C batteries were used to jumpstart the engine.
As expected during an election year, President Obama was quick to defend the company’s overhaul at his weekly press conference. “Yes this administration approved nearly $500 billion dollars in low-income loans to Tesla,” the President noted. “However, right up there with environmental concerns we face today are oral hygiene issues. If we can win the war against gingivitis, then your money will have been well spent.”
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